that awkward moment when you realize you weren't meant to be an economist, after all

I probably spent the last three years in college studying the wrong thing.

You don't know how hard it was for me to type that.

I've always been the model Asian child--academically, at least. I did well in elementary school, middle school, high school. I rocked the SATS. I got into my first choice school. I did well in college. Obediently, I bought GRE books and even signed up for a test date: Friday, September 23rd.

But now I'm kind of thinking. Wait a second. Why am I taking the GRE? Where am I going to apply for grad school? What kind of programs am I interested in? Do I want to study more? If so, what am I going to study?

Economics??

Oh boy. Economics. Everyone I know makes fun of me for being an econ nerd. Not because I am an econ nerd (I'm not. Not at all. I don't even have a favorite obscure microeconomic theory). But because everyone at Georgetown who isn't an econ major hates it with a fiery passion,  people in the SFS who choose to be International Political Economy majors are deemed as insane masochists.

They might not be too far off the mark concerning the last part, at least when it comes to me.

I came into college wishing, like the majority of SFS kids, for my 2 years of mandatory econ classes to be behind me. My worst grade in college was in macroeconomics. Yet, somehow, during that important season of my sophomore year when it became time to choose my major, I realized that the only classes that challenged me were my econ classes, so instead of taking the sane way out (majored in something that came much more easily, such as IPOL or RCST), I signed myself up for the most difficult thing I could: IPEC.

I would be lying if I said I haven't regretted it since. I've regretted it a lot. I regretted it through every PECO-201 lecture, with every page I turned in my econometrics textbook. I regret it each time I look at my transcript and my eyes zero in on my GPA. I regret it every time I see/hear/smell/taste the words: GRETL or STATA.

There are things, of course, that I don't regret. My awesome relationship with Dean Kaneda, hands down the best professor I've had at Georgetown. Reading Hal Varian's "Intermediate Microeconomics"--the funniest textbook I've read to date. TAing for International Trade. Meeting equally insane IPEC majors who would eventually become some of my best friends. And I'm sure there are other good things that I can't quite remember right now.

Or that's what I'm trying to convince myself. It's too late to change my major, regardless. If I could do it again, I would've studied education policy or education administration--things I'm passionate about. But Georgetown doesn't offer these majors, so I would never do it again even if given the chance: one thing I absolutely do not regret is choosing to go to Georgetown. That choice, at least, was right.

So I went to the right school but spent my years studying the wrong thing. s'not so bad, come to think about it. One day I'll look back on these years and laugh over all those tears spilled over bad econ grades and impossible problem sets. In the end I still learned a few things: the value of friendship, to truly believe in the power of my little hands, how to accept defeat gracefully. You know. The important stuff.